In this Issue
Feature Article
Workshops
"To seek happiness outside of ourselves is like trying to lasso a cloud..."
--Omar Khayyam
Book Review
Happy for No Reason
by Marci Shimoff
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Upcoming
Events
Click on title of class for more information and to register or visit
www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz
ALL TIMES IN EST
Inside Out Ongoing Mastermind Group, offered the second Tuesday of every month. Anyone can join in to learn about the process of IOE, Inside Out Empowerment and how it can open your heart, free your mind and transform your life.
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All teleconferences are one (1) hour in length unless otherwise stated and all you need is a telephone. When you register we will send you a phone number that you will call five minutes prior to the start of your teleconference. You will have the opportunity to ask questions, but if you prefer to just listen that’s all right too. You do not need a computer or Internet, only a telephone. Don’t delay. There are a limited number of slots available.
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The following teleconferences
are FREE (except the parenting teleconference series)
Click on the link for a full description and to register
Managing Grief & Loss
May 27 , 2008 -- 8:45 - 9:45 p.m. EST
First comes the shock of the loss and an almost denial that is has happened, particularly if there was no warning. You had hopes and dreams of the future that included your loved one and suddenly he or she is not there. How will you cope? How can you go on? Everyone grieves at his or her own pace. I am in no way suggesting that this process can or should be rushed. What I am saying is that when a person is ready, he or she can turn the grief into a new hope for the future. Attend this teleseminar and start to find hope again.
Anger Management
June 3, 2008
8:45 - 9:45 p.m. EST
Are you someone who is confronted with angry people in the course of your life? Spouses, children, extended family members, neighbors, community embers who have tempers and like to yell at you? Want to learn ways to take the wind out their sails and have them communicating more cooperatively? Then this class is for you!
Inside Out Thinking
June 17, 2008
8:45 - 9:45 p.m. EST
Do you find that your happiness is often contingent on people, circumstances or things that you have no control over? Do you feel like life is just passing you by while you wait for.... Inside Out Thinking is such a powerful way to unleash your personal power in a big way. Take control of your life. Register today.
Goal Setting & Attainment
July 1, 2008 -- Offered at two times for your convenience:
3:00 - 4:00 p.m. EST
8:45 - 9:45 p.m. EST
Are you serious about attaining your goals next year? Do you want to do more than make a New Year's Resolution that you forget by the time the Super Bowl is on television? Join me on the free teleconference to learn my time-tested 7-Step process for Goal Attainment. We will do more than set goals--we will discuss a system to implement that will exponentially increase your opportunity for success. Also, my Goal Attainment System is multi-faceted. You won't just be focusing your attention on your career goals unless you want to. My system has you take a look at all areas of your life so you can accomplish an optimal work/life balance for you. There is nothing to lose but an hour of your time and so much to gain. Let's make this your best year yet!
Stress Management
July 15 , 2008
8:45 - 9:45 p.m. EST
Feeling stressed?Life getting to you? Then you need this teleconference. Learn how to de-stress with Choice Theory. Choice Theory states that all behavior is purposeful. Believe it or not, stress is a choice and you can choose not to be stressed! Learn how in this free teleconference.
Relationships from the Inside Out
July 29, 2008
8:45 - 9:45 p.m. EST
Learn the skills you need to create the relationship you deserve. Learn about the seven deadly relationship habits and how to replace them with loving and caring habits. Start improving that relationship you have with your signifcant other by registering for this amazing class today.
Time Management
August 19, 2008
8:45 - 9:45 p.m. EST
Ever wished you could have some extra time in your day? We all know that's not possible but it is possible to learn to maximize each moment so you can get everything out of your day you want. Join me on the teleconference where I will teach you some time-tested techniques to do just that!
Empowerment Parenting
August 26, 2008
8:45 - 9:45 p.m. EST
You cannot continue to parent your children the way you did when they were younger children, or even the way your parents parented you. The world is different! Children are different! If you do not learn new innovations in parenting, your efforts will likely be ineffective at best, and actually destructive at their worst. Join us for this teleconference and learn about the inherent conflict between parents and their children, as well as ways to circumvent it. You can reasonably insure your child’s safety and still maintain a positive relationship.
Empowerment Parenting: You cannot continue to parent your older children the way you did when they were Attend this teleconference series and learn about the inherent conflict between parents and their children, as well as ways to circumvent it. You can reasonably insure your child’s safety and still maintain a positive relationship.
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Foster Parenting Teleconference Series
Six (6) Week
Teleconference Series
September 16 -
October 21, 2008
8:45 - 9:45 EST
Six (6) Week teleseries. Click on link for more information or to purchase.
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Chats
All times listed in EST
Kim will be available in her chat room for questions and dialog on the following dates and times:
All Chats are from
7:30 - 8:30 p.m. EST
May 27, 2008
May 3, 2008
May 10, 2008
May 17, 2008
Inside Out
Personal Edition
“You can't change the direction of the wind. . .
but you can adjust your sails!”
---Jimmy Dean
Kim Olver, MS, NCC, LPC
www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz
Kim@TheRelationshipCenter.biz
May 27, 2008 - Volume 4, Issue 5
This Month's Feature
Inside Out
Empowerment Mastermind Group
Ongoing Mastermind Group, offered the second Tuesday of every month. Anyone can join in to learn about the process of IOE, Inside Out Empowerment and how it can open your heart, free your mind and transform your life.
Inside Out Empowerment (IOE) is a 7-step process for developing inner peace. Learning the steps is relatively easy. Correct implementation is more of a challenge. So often we get started on the path of self-improvement, only to be sabotaged by our own subconscious programming designed to maintain the status quo.
I know you want to make some changes. I know you want to be even better at what you do. I know you want more satisfying relationships. I am certain you would like to be more empowered, free and connected. You can have all that.
Next Meeting :
June 10, 2008
8:45 - 9:45 p.m. EST
A Message from Kim
I am very excited with the blossoming of spring we have going on in Chicago at this time of year. It points out once again the cycle of life. There must be that deterioration in the fall, then rest during the winter to result in the beauty of springtime. If you are in the northern hemisphere, then I hope you are also enjoying your spring season. If you are in the southtern hemisphere, then I hope you are appreciating the beauty of your fall season as your world prepares for its rejuvenation. It's all part of the life cycle.
This month our ezine is dedicated to self-growth, particularly as it relates to the illusive concept of "Happiness." As humans, we are all striving to feel happy as often as we possibly can. Unfortunately, our quest tends to lead us down some paths that lead anywhere but toward the happiness we so desire. My dream is that all of us will learn the lesson of seeking happiness from within so we all know we carry our happiness with us 24/7. It's available to us at any given moment.
I also want to mention a great conference I will be attending at the end of this month in Chicago called, Celebrate Your Life. As I understand it there are still tickets available for purchase at: www.mishkaproductions.com. It is being sponsored by Oprah & Friends and has some of my favorite speakers featured. Check it out and I hope to see you there.
Here's to your happiness! Enjoy!
Make today the day you want it to be!
Unleash the power within you.
Kim Olver
Feature Article
Are You a Pleasure Junky?
By Kim Olver
What is a pleasure junky, you ask? A pleasure junky is a person always seeking happiness in short-term, feel good ways. A pleasure junky would choose junk food over good health, casual sex over a committed relationship and impulse spending over long-term saving. A pleasure junky wants to feel good most of the time and looks for things outside him or herself to supply those good feelings.
Look at these three questions to see if you would be considered a pleasure junky:
- Do you find yourself making long-term goals and then sabotaging them by not taking the required action to accomplish them? An example would be deciding you want to pay off your credit cards on an accelerated plan but you keep buying things you don’t need and make payments substantially less than you had planned. Another example might be you have a diet plan that includes only eating when you are hungry. However, you find yourself often making plans with friends to go out to eat and you find yourself snacking when you are bored, lonely or anxious or as a reward to yourself.
- Do you find yourself frequently needing to reward yourself in order to feel good about yourself? Do you often do things you have told yourself you wouldn’t do? For example, do you reward yourself with a new outfit for weight loss when you promised yourself you would wait until you went down two sizes instead of one? Do you reward yourself with a hot fudge sundae when you have lost a certain amount of weight?
- Do you find yourself often seeking pleasure in things outside yourself? Do you look toward people, places, things and accomplishments to make you truly happy? Are you waiting for the right relationship, your children to be grown, your advance degree, your house to be paid off or your retirement to be happy? Do you drag yourself through the week waiting for the pleasures of the weekend?
People who are looking to be truly happy have to complete the job from the inside out. Authentic happiness does not come from people, things and accomplishments. Happiness comes from how you are in the world. Happiness is generated from your core when you live in the moment by being fully present, are grateful for what you have and have the desire and ability to find the gift or the lesson in all things. That is the key to being authentically happy.
You will never achieve true happiness by being a pleasure junky. Let’s look at each behavior individually.
- Live in the Moment: Much is said about living in the moment but how do you actually do it? You need to become conscious, guarding against thoughts of the past or future and constantly bring yourself back to the current moment, which is all there really is of reality anyway. Most of us waste our “now” moments regretting or reminiscing about the past or worrying or planning for the future. When you engage in those activities, you miss the only real moment you have—right now.
- Live in Gratitude: No matter what is happening in your life, living in gratitude is possible. As my friend says, “Any day above ground is a good day.” As long as you are still here, you can find things to be grateful for. Start with being grateful for the air you breathe, the sunshine on your face, the rain that nourishes growth, your shelter that protects you from the elements. Once you start with the little things, you can easily generate to the bigger things. Instead of being upset about the money you owe, be grateful you have a credit line to have it available to you. Instead of being angry with a friend, be thankful to have friends in your life. Instead of wishing for a better job, be grateful to have the one you’ve got.
- Find the Lesson or Gift: No matter what happens to you in your life, if you have the mind to look for it, you can find a lesson or a gift. Growth comes from pain. What terrible thing has happened to you in your life and what was the positive gain you received from it? My husband died at 37 years-old but I had the gift of being able to say goodbye and my children had the gift of his time after he stopped working. You can find the positive in all situations if you have the mind to seek it.
In order to find authentic happiness from the inside-out, you must be willing to avoid some moments of pleasure. You need to monitor yourself to isure you are living in the moment, living in gratitude and find the lesson or the gift. Recognize that happiness is not elusive at all. It lives inside of you and you can have access to it whenever you want. You just need to accept that it is there. The process of Inside Out Empowerment can show you how.
About Kim OlverKim Olver is a life coach and public speaker who has a graduate degree in counseling, is a National Certified Counselor and a licensed professional counselor in two states. She has worked in the helping profession since 1982 and has spent her entire life helping people get along better with the important people in their lives. Kim works with couples, parents and children, and individuals seeking to improve their lives. Check out her free Mastermind Group Inside Out Empowerment. |
Click here to read some of Kim's other articles
Quote of the Month
"To seek happiness outside of ourselves is like trying to lasso a cloud.
Happiness is not a thing; it is a state of mind."
--Omar Khayyam
This quote speaks to the illusiveness nature of happiness. So often we seek it in materialistic things, such as I'll be happy when I get that BMW, the boat, the bigger house, or my credit cards paid off. Other times, we seek happiness in events--I'll be happy when I get my degree, my kids graduate or I'll retire. Another way we seek happiness is to look to other people to give it to us. I'm happy when my children remember me on my birthday or Mother's Day. I'm happy when I find that special someone and he tells me he loves me. I'm happy when my boss recognizes the good work I do. Of course, these things can bring pleasure but true happiness comes from the inside out, as Marci Shimoff describes "being happy for no reason."
When you are truly happy from the inside out, outside events don't rock your world. You live life being content and grateful for the things you have. Whenever something happens that seems bad to you, you know enough to remember that "this too shall pass" and there may be a hidden lesson or gift hidden in the "negative event." Where do you find your happiness?
Book Review
Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out
by Marci Shimoff
I can't say enough great things about this book. I LOVED this book. What attracted me to it initially was the subtitle--talking about being happy from the inside out. My avid readers know Inside Out Empowerment is all about an inside out transformation of your life. So, I picked up the book and read it in record time.
I loved it because Marci used research to make her point. She interviewed 100 people she determined to be happy from the inside out to learn their secrets to success. She then summarized those qualities, traits and behaviors into seven categories which she so clearly explains in this down-to-earth, easy-to-read book. She is a wonderful storyteller, sharing stories of the people she interviewed to make her points.
If you are serious about your own happiness and your effect on the happiness of others, then you need to add this book to your library.
Tip of the Month
I remember for about three years after my husband died, I had a virtual "pity party" for myself on Valentine's Day. "Poor me. A widow at 38 years-old. It isn't fair. I didn't deserve this. No one loves me. I'm all alone now." You might get the sense. I indulged myself in this self-pity game pretty much the whole month of February.
Finally, on the fourth year after my husband's death, I decided I wanted to have a different Valentine's Day experience. I decided instead to be grateful for all I did have. I sat down on Valentine's Day and wrote thank you notes to all the people in my life who helped me raise my children. I sent a note to the principal of my son's middle school, relatives, athletic coaches and friends--anyone I could think of who supported us during that difficult time. It completely changed my mood and subsequent experience of the day.
Not only did I make my life better, but many of the people I thanked, told me getting my note brightened their day, as well. Gratitude is available to you at any moment and will chase away any feelings of unhappiness. Unhappiness cannot survive the light of gratitude.
Relationship Q & A
Question: My love has left me, he has left because of a rumor that I was writing
things about him. This is untrue, but he is so stubborn he doesn't
believe a word I say. I should hate him because he would think I would
do that to him. He has made it known that he hates me. I have lost my
direction. I'm starting to believe the horrible things he says about me
are true. I am crying over nothing. I want him to believe me so bad. I
can't change myself. I'm just the way I am. No ones ever told me its
okay to be myself. Help me start over.
Answer: The question I would ask you is this, "Do you really want to be with someone who chooses
to believe rumor over you"? You don't need to hate him, nor do you need to convince him
of your innocence. You have told him your side of the story and he doesn't believe you.
If you continue to put your energy into trying to change his mind, you may have exactly
the opposite effect of what you want. When I work with people, I try to help them focus
on changing their own behavior because people can only control themselves.
You say you can't change, but I know you can if you want to badly enough. It can be hard but it
can definitely be done. You have to want it, be clear about what you want,
and then take steps to make the changes you desire. Stop trying to change him.
And it is OK to be you. You don't need anyone else to tell you that to make it true. You
have to believe it yourself.
I wish you well.
Workshops
Click on the links for more information and to purchase
Self-Development
with Choice Theory
July 21 - 25, 2008 - Chicago, IL
4 1/2 days - Monday - Thursday 9:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m.
Friday 9:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m.
The Basic Intensive Week in Choice Theory and Reality Therapy is a 4 day or 4½-day workshop where you will be exposed to some highly innovative ideas of Dr. William Glasser. You will learn the new psychology of personal freedom called Choice Theory. There is application in this workshop for teachers, school administrators, counselors, therapists, social workers, business managers, clergy, nurses, parents, and anyone interested in improving the quality of their life. You will learn how to empower yourself by distinguishing between those things you can control and those you can’t and focus your energy on those you can. There is practical advice about how to improve the important relationships in your life and how to become the person you want to be. This workshop helps you become more effective in counseling and teaching others, particularly those who may not even know they need your help—non-voluntary clients and less than enthusiastic students. The group size is kept small enough that you will receive individual attention and have plenty of time to have your questions answered.
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